@havoc
if you have no time for this you've got a problem anyway
but just saying you suck at it is easy - you still leave us without a proof, even for that. actually you can't be that bad.
however, if you manage to make some time you should indeed make your first steps using tutorials -> link from wendy ,lots here (on top under "tutorials"
) and somewhere here in the forum is a thread with hundreds of further links (from scionshade i think).
don't worry, i suggest learning the pen tool
http://photoshopcontest.com/tutorials/15/pen-tool-as-mask-selector.html, the brush and erase tool. then just play with blend modes and all the filters you find. it pays off very fast!