Photoshop Contest Forum Index - Fun and Games - ~ Blonde Jokes ~ - Reply to topic
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 Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:06 am Reply with quote
Feel free to add your own..
Quote: A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a
show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts
going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the
fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:"I've heard enough of
your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women
that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her
worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from
being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full
potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in
the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize,
and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that
little smart ass on your knee!!
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Paul Von Stetina
Location: Deep Shit
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:10 am Reply with quote
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
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Paul Von Stetina
Location: Deep Shit
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:43 am Reply with quote
Johnny wanted to have sex with a blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you." The blonde girl said "NO."
 Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.
So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said  "The bastard used coins, and I'm still busy"
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Paul Von Stetina
Location: Deep Shit
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 12:59 am Reply with quote
"Miscommunication?"
What a blonde woman says:
"This place is a mess!
C'mon, you and I need to clean,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!
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armogeden
Location: The other side of your screen
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 6:04 am Reply with quote
Paul Von Stetina wrote: "Miscommunication?"
What a blonde woman says:
"This place is a mess!
C'mon, you and I need to clean,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!
damn straight  
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TofuTheGreat
Location: Back where I belong.
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 8:49 am Reply with quote
A blonde woman goes to the doctor for an exam. The doctor says "What brings you here today?".
"Um. My car?" she replies.
"No I mean what's the problem you're here for?"
"OH! Yeah! Um I hurt everywhere. All over my body." the blonde explained.
"Can you point to where it hurts?" asks the doc.
The blonde starts pointing to various parts of her body "Here. OUCH! And here. OUCH! and here OWEE!".
"Ah yes", exclaims the doctor, "very simply you have a broken finger."
_________________ Why I do believe it's pants-less o'clock! - Lar deSouza
”The mind is like a parachute, it doesn’t work if it isn’t open.” - Frank Zappa
Created using photoshop and absolutely no talent. - reyrey
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 9:41 am Reply with quote
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her "What happened?"
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The person called back."
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Two blondes are walking down the road, when one says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
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Thu Oct 19, 2006 11:03 am Reply with quote
just got this in an email... 
Quote: Blonde Logic
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.
and one blonde said to the other,
"Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida...?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor.
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff,
"I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you
take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to
you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said
that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed . Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're
going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new
dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by
saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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Photoshop Contest Forum Index - Fun and Games - ~ Blonde Jokes ~ - Reply to topic
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