I just started college, Imagine my dismay when I walked in to that first classroom, and realized all the desks are made for jr. high students. You know the type; a chair with a platform for your books to rest on. Well, I am not a junior high student. I am the fat guy people hang around with when they want to look thin. I don’t just “take a seat”, I have to wedge myself in, and tuck my belly under the platform for the books. Generally, I can only get about one cheek on the chair.

One morning in class, after a night of cheap beer and tacos, I had a rumbling in my bowels that told me I had one massive fart brewing. I was trying to decide if I should try and hold it, or do a “one cheek sneak” and let it out, when my uptight, prim and proper professor called on me to answer a question . This is the worst timing in the world for this. I am trying to concentrate on the question at hand, while the rumbling in my gut turns into a legion of butt demons doing a whirling dervish in my colon, screaming for release. Then it happened: a chorus of ass-trumpet loud enough to bring down the walls of Jericho. I farted so hard it hurt. There was a burning/itching sensation that made me think I blew out my sphincter for good. The noise was amplified by the hard wooden seat on the desk. After the echoes died down, I looked up at my professor. She had a look on her face I will never forget. It was a look of complete shock, disgust, and revulsion.

And then the horror. The HORROR. I started….Laughing! Not just a chuckle or giggle, we’re talking, wild-hysterical-“stop or I’ll pee myself” laughter. And the more I laughed, the more I farted. By this point, there was a cloud of butt bouquet so thick you could taste it. Eyes tearing….nose burning….belly hurts from laughing…I had to get out of there. I needed an obscure corner of the world to curl up and die of embarrassment in. To make my humiliation complete, as I stood up and tried to extricate my gargantuan buttocks from the little desk, I got stuck. The desk was pasted to my ass like a bug on a windshield.

I went back to the class next day, i couldn't look at my professor on the eye, no one ever looked me the same again.

Yesterday, you were in High School??? Today, you're in college? If you're in High School why does your profile read "Occupation-Designer" (funny story by the way) It was funny when I read it here http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/181913550.html

How old are you anyways? Really....

Welll my advice for you is to get PS and put it on your own bloddy computer...then you won't be complaining on how you can't use PS on the school's PCs cause they only have MS paint and such... BLEH!

I hate it when that happens

DP has a wonderful book that's a must read, titled; "How to Fart in Public"

I love it when this happens!

Yes , I also have that book and am almost through chapter 5 "The Squeeze Technique". I cant wait for chapter 6 "Food Court Farting". Veeeerrry informative reading.

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