Sheesh. Sorry this is long but I have to vent.

I get to work this morning and go to get my morning caffeine from the vending machine (Diet Dew today thanks for asking) and there's a group of people at the coffee vending machine. A 60-ish woman, a 40-ish guy and a 19-ish kid. I know they're all together as I saw them get out of the same car in the parking lot as I got to work.

I work in a county courthouse so knowing it's a school day (and frankly being judgmental about their demeanor and manner of dress) I figure that the kid is here to see a judge (turns out I was right but more on that later).

Anyway the guy is plunking in his change and it's going straight to the coin return. He must've tried four or five times before I got to the soda machine next to the coffee machine.

The woman politely asks me if there's any other coffee sales in the building. I politely reply "Sorry but that's the only one in the building." And the guy asks me, in a very rude tone (seriously you should have seen & heard him to appreciate it) "So what's wrong with this one? Why won't it take my money".

Ever seen or heard Bill Engval's stand-up comedy routine? Especially the "Here's yer sign" bits? Talk about tempting. Anyway I reply, still politely, with the obvious "I don't know. It must be broken?"

This, apparently, didn't sit well with the guy. He gets all uppity and snotty with me! Says basically "Nice answer. You could just tell me what's wrong with it instead of being an asshole."

So I pointed out that he was none to kind in the tone and wording of his original inquiry and that I simply responded that I didn't know what was wrong with the machine.

He gets further PISSY with me and says (in an even ruder tone) "Well you work here so I figured you knew what was wrong with the machine."

I couldn't let that one slide.

"Well let's see. The VENDING MACHINE is clearly marked as owned by a VENDING COMPANY in a BIG YELLOW STICKER right on the front AND above the coin slot you have repeatedly been putting change into. Since you know I work at the COURTHOUSE it's therefore reasonable to assume that I do not own the machine. Further it's also reasonably assumable that I do not manufacture the machines. It's probably further assumable; accounting for the "If this machine is not working please call {phone number} for service." sticker that nobody in this building services the machines. Taking this further it's then likely that I have no technical knowledge of how the inner workings of how this vending machine's coin mechanisms operate. However following your logic should I ask you 'Hey you drive a car. What's wrong with my refrigerator?' and then get pissy with you when you don't know?"

Apparently logic was his weakness as he walked off after the woman and the kid.

Prologue to the tale: As they walked away the kid said that the guy should have been nicer to me as I might have been the judge or district attorney they had to see today.

Next time just say.
"it doesn't take coins from stupid people".

MADE my day!!!!!!

I'm gonna go wait around broken vending machines so I can use that one.

As stupid as he was, you could have told him it was due to the speed at which he was entering the coins. He would have been busy with it for at least another 1/2 hour!

Next time just give him the sign.

If you were able to ad-lib that perfect answer on the spot, you are my new hero

Well done Tufu!!!

I hope your day did go well without the coffee??

just the kind of thing I WISH I would have said - only I come up with it 2 hours late.

Classic reply thanks to my sister...
Don't let it ruin your day.

For once it wasn't one of those "man I shoulda said this" moments that I usually have. I think the only difference is that I didn't point out to him that the stickers are yellow or read off the exact content/wording of the stickers. I merely pointed to the stickers when I was going off. The added details of the stickers were for reader benefit so you could envision them.

Otherwise that actually what I said to the guy. I was kinda proud of how I rattled off the tirade though. I felt it was really a good one for being off the cuff and ticked as I was.

If I'm lucky I can still get the video off the security camera feeds.

All Hail TOFUDISAN!

OMFG! that would be AWESOME!

I could see video of that encounter on you tube making you a celebrity of sorts. Public humiliation on top of a stiff verdict might just straighten that little shit out.

Have to wait until the Network Admin gets back from lunch to get the video. Even then I found out there's no audio feeds. Crappit.

I'll still see if I can get it so you can see a fat programmer going off on a jerk if you want. Maybe I could subtitle it?

I'm going to use the excuse that I want the video in case he did something to my car (since they saw me get out of my car). Thin excuse but it might be enough.