ok hi,

some of ya know me as matt aka (nogoodsk8rpunk) i used to chop here daily... psc was a way for me to escape all my troubles in life... a way to express my stupid silliness when i was feeling happy...a way for me to express my dark and horrid feelings... psc was a way for me to learn from the greats that were willing to take time to show me.. psc was a place for kindness like when marty sent me this very computer some odd 5 yrs ago that i type from now... psc was a place that i got into cyber trouble lol w/ julie (wtfher#was?) and yes i was a vote whore.

ive meet some awesome people and some assholes from here.. but everyone give or take my opinion on them counteracts another persons opinion on them.. psc is a community that i have learned to live with.

so who are we really? besides a bunch of choppers? i'll say my screen name pretty much sums it up as of the past... i think im 34? lol (dont really pay attention to my age) i used to be a sponsored sk8r and it took me 29 years to reach that goal to retire...

i've been to jail a bunch of times (because i dont believe in these superficial laws placed on me/others) i have and i quote!! never caused harm to another person physically to get my nice concrete bench in a cell. im not a violent person but i make stupid mistakes.

lets see.. humm i've spent 1/2 my life homeless... i went to U of O while i lived in my VW squareback... i've worked on boeing 727-737-757's i've worked on hummer's jeeps volkswagens and countless other cars... my great grand father taught me to be a machinist..

i now realize that my hatred towards life... is as such... i guess i've realized that every talent that has been blessed on me i seem to take it to the extreme and advantage of!! not giving a fuck... its stupid as i know there is people way worse off then me...

but who will share and have the balls to talk about it?(or if ur a beautiful lady.. as each and everyone of ya are dont have balls but have common sence) tell ur story now i spend my days welding and wishing i was choping.

please note if i have hurt or upset anyone it wasnt my intention... just trying to figure out life

-m-

Hi Matt, nice to see you hang around again.

At this moment my granddaughter is sleeping in her little krib upstairs, and just before she went to sleep we watched the Teletubbies... something I vowed I would never show my children or grandchildren. But hay, she dictates things around the house pretty much when she is here, and 5 minutes of Teletubbies madnes makes her day!
I have been chopping a lot in the past few days. And having fun with it again. That got lost a little in the past 12 months, the fun I mean.

I love Wrestling on TV, something so totally unlike me, it seems that people roll over and gasp when I tell them. It helps me get over my crankynes. Old age comes with lots of those cranky spells, it seems. Something I don't want to experience when my grandchild is here.

Looking after her is by far the best thing that happened to me in my life. It is just like turning the clock back 27 years and do it BETTER this time. (Silly feeling, cause my kids turned out real well, one teacher and one factory worker). But I am rebuilding memories for times in their first three years, when I had post-natal depression, which robbed me of remembering most of those years all together.

When she wakes up again, we will be going for a walk (as long as the sun shines) and listen to Blues music and Rock and Roll. Her favourits.

Hey Matt. I'm not a chopper, but I play one on TV.

No, not really, but I just don't have time to chop here any more. I thought when I retired my life would calm down, but it didn't really work out that way. lol Once I no longer had a job to get in the way my life zoomed into overdrive and I lost control of it totally.

So now I live on the Neuse river with a wonderful artist name Pene and we produce an art festival. Of course, the tiny town I live in has discovered what I do and I am now the unofficial publicist for Bridgeton and my graphic design career has taken off.

I only thought I was retiring.

The one thing I will say to you is life can be really wonderful if you let it.

Even if I don't have time to chop here any more. (I still lurk here and have my eye on the lot of you.)

Hey Matt!
5am and I couldn't sleep. Checked out PSC for the first time in ages and there you were!
It's been a long time since I've slept on your couch. You still got a couch? I hope you do.

Can't sleep well lately because I've been having anxiety attacks for about a 1/2 year. Some nights my body/mind leave me alone. Others, like tonight, not so much.
According to others I'm a great guy and I know I got love coming at me from a number of different angles... yet I don't feel very safe at the moment being in this body, being in my life. I seem to be on a downward path.
And I don't mean like "down and out" or "down into hell" or "into oblivion". I mean DOWN into MYSELF; I'm digging deeper into who I am. I've got a new life started up here - left a 9 year relationship at the end of 2011, did that with as much love on both sides as possible yet still a hard thing to do. I have a new relationship with a wonderful woman that challenges me and aligns with me. I am thinking that being an "artist" for a living isn't working for me and I may go back to being a therapist and workshop leader. Frankly, the ground under my feet feels more like a skateboard to me at the moment, rather than solid earth. For you this might be a good thing! For me, as I said before, not so much.

I say all this to slowly get around to this point: you are living your life, Matt. Good, bad, ugly. I see you engaged in life around you - I've met some of your friends - good folks. (Maybe you just showed me the good ones? ) You live in a beautiful part of the planet. And I know you've got your demons. We ALL have our demons... some of us are just crazy enough to actually face them and dance with them and, if we are lucky, make friends with them. That doesn't actually make us "fucked up" people. It makes us courageous and rather more real people. If we survive the dance, we can come out with much bigger hearts and with much deeper compassion for others.

Don't ever think these challenges/demons/attitudes makes you broken or unlovable or unacceptable... It most likely means part of you is awake and the sleeping part is trying to wake up even more. It isn't a perfect world so it is hard at times to wake to ugly parts of it...Yet, in my experience, I've always found a beauty hidden in the darkest pieces of shit.

Many won't understand what you do, why you do it, or where you are coming from. Usually its the folks that think they have it figured out... it can be annoying to them to see someone pointing out the "Man behind the curtain" as they'd rather just have the Wizard look after them instead of taking responsibility for their own lives or admitting that we all have the same power in our lives. Yet your true friends will respect your journey, help you where they can... do their best to understand the real you. Your true friends will probably be on a similar journey DOWNWARD. Which is kinda crazy as it tends to lift us UP, this downward journey into our selves.

I feel for you, bro. I've met you and hung with you. You are a good guy. Like many creative people I've met and hung with, you are in touch with a lot more of yourself than you may give yourself credit for. I just wish and hope that you, and all those of us who are willing to look at both sides of our life's coin, remember that we are doing something courageous and, at times, dangerous. Not all pride is evil - allowing some pride to happen is appropriate at times - being a human is a tough job and those of us doing our best to do it FULLY deserve a high five and a shot of tequilla at times. Oh, and hugs. LOTS of hugs!

Okay - I'm gonna go lie back down now.
To those of you who read all the above, thanks for giving me your time and attention. Matt? You rock, dude. And rocks can be hard and lumpy and they can be flowing and beautiful. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

This is true, Alan. You too I've met and been lucky enough to hang with. You are rather inspirational to me. You truly have Untired. (is that the opposite of REtired? Well, its my new word and I'm sticking to it! ) And I watched (sadly from a distance) you take the steps and make the sometimes scary choices that led you into this cool new life you are living. You really are showing me that "it ain't over until its over!"

You get a high five and a shot of teqilla too! (oh, right - a glass of merlot would be more appropriate! )

hello to you too...

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU??????? Teletubbies???? Seriously?????

Welding can be a great comfort at times Matt.
http://photoshopcontest.com/view-entry/183474/clyde-built.html

It's creepy how much we seem to have in common...I like you already - lol! I lived in my Toyota Tercel in my senior year of high school (and still graduated). I work for Boeing building the 777 but have worked on 737's and the 787. I was also an automotive mechanic and worked at a Hummer dealership and a Volkswagen dealership.

(I'm walking out the door to go to work so I'll have to post my story later. I just had to respond for now....)

Only 5 minutes. Then it is back to Blues and good old Rock and Roll.

Well, atleast your granddaughter has good taste

What this Suspensions you are writing i can't read all that can you pleas summary this for me ?

wow lol cant believe this thread is still alive... yes reindude i miss ya too buddy.. missed ya coming down on ur voyage to us southernly neighbors.. no i dont have a couch anymore... gave away all my shit when i lost my last place of residence.. ( im living in a shack thats about 20ft x 30ft w/ out plumbing and have to walk down to g mas place to shit shower and shave lol

arc i miss ya too u jackass mr al my pal always have some sort of creative kind spoken words to lift any ones spirts so thanx anna i love u but no more telle tubs... but yes i agree w/ gref ur g duaghter has good taste in music.. w/ that said anna ur always there to bring me back up so thanx...

charliesou that was a creative entry id like to talk welding secrets w/ ya some time...roger yeah dude that is very similar life experiences i recomend a 1967 vw square back as the back seats lay down flat and being a rear engine machine u can use the heat from motor to keep ya warm

and ammorio.. this thread is about life as we know it and what we do and what we have done... and things of that type of nature love ya all

-N.G.S.P.-

...or you can just wait for the driver's seat webbing to sag down enough to short out the battery terminals. That'll keep your ass warm, too.

(True story, I had one of those of the exact year. This is getting weird - lol)

Matt!!!!!!!!!