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Photoshop Contest Forum Index - Fun and Games - STAND UP for COMEDY - Reply to topic



Post Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:01 am   Reply with quote         

Stand Up Comedy Time.

Hi folks!
(you say: Hi AJ!)

When you work with computers, you get junk mail. When you are a teacher, you think you get serious mail from other teachers, but sometimes you can get a laugh out of it too. My daughter shared a few pearls that she got in her junk last week.
I know…
Life is tough.
Some would say, life socks on apples –
for some more then others, and yet… when you are teaching children, life can be fun too.
If you can forget that all of the things I am going to tell you next were written in TESTS…. that is.
So, forget the tests… just have some free thinking.

We all know that children are very practical. Want some proof?
Question: Explain the phrase “Free press” –
Answer: “When your Mum irons trousers for you!”
Sometimes you just have to say it quick, to make it stick…
Q: What is the meaning of the word ‘varicose’ –
A: Close by
And it could even get darn right dangerous:
Q: Why would living close to a mobile phone mast cause ill health?
A: You might walk into it.

Children think about the future and the work they get to do then too, not that it will be easy for them:
Q: Joanna works in an office. Her computer is a stand-alone system. What is a stand-alone computer system?
A: It doesn’t come with a chair.
And, when it comes to blaming somebody when things go wrong?. Those are the easy ones.
What to think about this chemist?
Q: Explain why phosphorus trichloride (P Cl_3) is polar.
A: God made it that way.
Or this mathematician:
When given a math problem to solve in the test paper Tracey says the answer and according to the testpaper Tracey is wrong.
Q: Use an example to show that Tracy is wrong.
A: She’s a woman.
Would you trust a builder, who gave this answer:
Q: (there is a drawing of a triangle, the diagonal side is named X, one side is 4 inches wide, one side is 2 inches high.) The question underneath the drawing is: Find X.
A: (Circle around the X at the diagonal side of the triangle) - Here it is!
Or what would you think about this would be policeman solving math:
Q: Steve is driving his car. He is travelling at 60 feet/second. The speed limit is 40 mph. Is Steve speeding?
A: He could find out by checking his speedometer.
Some Geography perhaps? There still may be a chance to see these:
Q: Name six animals which live specifically in the Arctic.
A: Two polar bears and (Three) Four Seals. (It is good to know that at least the math teacher did their work well)
Make no bones about it, even Geography can make you… just sick…
Q: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
A: Malaria.
Getting into the groove yet?
How about some music?
Q: What is a vibration?
A: There are good vibrations and there are bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960’s!
Q: What is the highest frequency noise that a human can register?
A: Mariah Carey (with THREE hearts!).
Growing up is never easy either, not for boys anyway….
Q: What happens during puberty to a boy?
A: He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.
Looking back on it, adults did not have it easy when they were young either… Check out their history.
Q: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom.

And going even further back in time, all be it granted, it was nowhere near the USA…
Q: Name one of the early Roman achievements.
A: Learning to speak Latin.
Historic Art lovers will dig this:
Q: Name the wife of Orpheus, whom he attempted to save from the underworld.
A: Mrs. Orpheus.
Sometimes we GROWN UPS hold people in high esteem for what they do, but when you ask a child, you might get surprised:
Q: How does Romeo’s character develop throughout the play?
A: It doesn’t, it’s just self, self, self, all the way through.
On a more scientific note, here is a quickie…
In the matter of Hard and Soft water…
Q: Briefly explain what hard water is.
A: Ice
Do we live in fear or can we have hope for the future?
Being a well rounded and big hipped lady myself, I know there will always be a job for me in Mississippi, now and in future no matter how much the climate changes.
Q: Name one measure which can be put into place to avoid river flooding in times of extensive rainfall (e.g. in Mississippi).
A: Flooding in areas such as the Mississippi may be avoided by placing a number of big dames into the river.

Buy Folks!
Hope you had a little laugh.
Love your children, they will show you how to live some day.



Post Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:19 am   Reply with quote         

In the chatroom:

cafn8d said: annajon said:

"Some would say, life socks on apples"

I think something got lost in translation... I'm picturing apples wearing socks, now.

Dear Caf....

I actually said Life s*u*cks on apples.... but I did not think that was allowed in the forum


Location: Peaksville, Southeast of Disorder

Post Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:24 am   Reply with quote         

apple juice isn't allowed in the forum

T-shirt Designs:
Help fight breast cancer by becoming an enabler:
Site Admin

Location: Toronto, ON

Post Fri Nov 12, 2010 11:46 am   Reply with quote         

Feel free to PM me, but PM a mod if you think they can help you. If you've won a prize, contact me!


Post Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:11 pm   Reply with quote         



Post Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:16 pm   Reply with quote         


Location: Waiting...

Post Thu Mar 31, 2011 10:24 pm   Reply with quote         

"Be water my friend" - Bruce Lee


Post Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:25 am   Reply with quote         

So, the spam bots now come with banners? Or is Batman investigating the span for real?

Photoshop Contest Forum Index - Fun and Games - STAND UP for COMEDY - Reply to topic

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