Anna - I hope you didn't think I was ungrateful for any gifts... it was just an observation of how some others are thinking of being cheap knowing full well that others are thoughtful in gift giving and they're just out to basically swindle others ... not the holiday spirit in my mind.

Every year, unless I'm absolutely broke, I do the Christmas Angel thing with Salvation Army. You pick a tag off one or more of their trees, and get toys and clothes for some child. Salvation Army kicks in clothes for that child's entire family AND groceries for that family!

There have been many years where I couldn't afford gifts, and my family knew it, but I always did whatever I could, with thoughfulness going into whatever I could do. There was the year that I found some very nice brocade napkins at a second hand store and hand dyed them to match my sister in law's table ware -- she absolutely loved that gift and still uses those napkins for special dinners. I had to borrow about $20 from my mom so I could get everyone a very small gift... My brother liked mysteries, so I got him an Agatha Christie mystery novel -- he spent the day reading his gift and was very pleased.

Of course, the years that I had money I did special things - kind of making up for dry years. I took my mom to Las Vegas for a week before Christmas - she had a blast.

Another time I gave everyone a very small gift - something to open, maybe a book, or a cassette, just something to have during the year and then I took my whole family to Medieval Times - a renaissance style dining place in California. It wasn't cheap, but it was a fantastic day/Christmas gift. They had no idea where we were taking them, but they happen to snag a glance at the envelope of cash I had to pay for dinner. It was probably a good $20 per person, but it was worth that day of fun, and good food, fun photos... and my little nieces had something to talk about for many years.

I don't really celebrate Christmas, but we (my sister's and I) make sure to have a Yule dinner on the 21st and then we tend to have an orphan's dinner/breakfast/whatever, at a local truck-stop restaurant (one of the only places open on Christmas day), for all the people we know that have family out of town, and they can't get together with them. It always ends up being a great time! And the only gifts I give, are ones that I have made, or I thought were perfect for someone, but I rather not participate in the consumerist side of Christmas. I have had 5 "Buy nothing" Christmas', and I feel way more stress-free, the people that love me accept it and have started to "buy nothing" for me, and we really enjoy the get-together's instead. I live for these moments now!

The consumer/commercial side of Christmas has totally taken the joy out of the meaning of that day.

Christmas presents are for children. Toys are inexpensive and bring so much happiness to them. Once they're 16, things get expensive. By then, they seem to think they're entitled to things on which they don't want to spend their own money.

We're still sending nephews in their 20s music gift certificates. And they don't even acknowledge them.

If everyone would donate to a reputable charity and save the gift giving to the under-16 "children" in their families, this world would probably be a better place.

It would also spare everyone the stress of giving and receiving (sometimes lousy) gifts that mean nothing.

I think the Angel ideas are good but one year here we did it for a family and got the items. I called up to deliver and the lady wanted me to pick up more gifts to the adults of extreme value and they were having tons more than we could afford. We were very poor that xmas but wanted to give. I felt a bit zapped by that experience. But I was happy that the kids were getting something.

they were taking advantage of you Jen. I hope you didn't comply with their demands. You just say, I'm sorry, but this is what we can afford.

that couldn't have been for the Salvation Army angel program. That is set up you pick the child's name - buy similar items listed, don't have to be the exact items as those are just ideas nor do you have to buy everything they list. You bring the toys and clothes back to the place where you got the name - I do mine at the mall - and Salvation Army does the rest... getting the rest of the items that are intended for the family, including groceries... and they do the distributing. Whose that are giving NEVER meet with the receivers.

We have a simular thing in my neighbourhood. When my children were little, each year the doorbell would ring and somebody would give a few presents for my children. I never understood what or why, untill my children were both older then 12. In that year some women from our neighbourhood came to my door and asked if I would be able to give some money. They were collecting money to buy the gifts for the children. But during the years we received the pressents, they never came round to my house for the collection.

In a way it was more reasuring to know that it was only a good will thing from the neighbourhood. The first year we received the pressents, they creeped me out, not knowing where they were from.